In search of the bisexual being

So here we are again: watching me continue to do stuff, in order to avoid myself

https://storify.com/zebrared/on-the-clear-expression-of-ambiguity

And then ... stubbing my toe on ...

https://twitter.com/mikestubbs/status/675260529850654720)

http://21stcenturyfix.org.uk/2014/11/1-in-4-wow-arent-they-brave-not-for-me-though/

I'm not a man of many parts - I'm whole, together, one

not paranoid, but responsive

Not bad, but curious

Not a mad human being, but a public investigator of hearts, souls and brains

If I danced around the world and its doings, never saying exactly what I thought, then maybe - yes - it was because I was resisting a sexuality I refused to acknowledge or experiment with ... but equally, maybe, it's a consequence of intuitively embracing, containing, wider ways of seeing.

Would it be, then, fair to speak not just of bisexual behaviours - but bisexual beings?

Not their sexuality which defined their ways of thinking ... but their ways of thinking defining their sexuality?

Or at least some set of relationships which were framed far more usefully by processes of dialogue than one-way directorships of action and reaction ...

I don't want this to sound, become or go in the direction of an apologia for not having realised the truth of my own being before.

I'm just, sincerely, interested in exploring the possibilities that our ways of doing are defined as much by our ways of thinking and seeing as the other way round.

So what do you think?

Am I bisexual entirely for reasons of sexuality - with ways of thinking I have had all my life being a result of those reasons ... or alternatively did I begin first to think as I went on to think, and only afterwards develop a sexuality in accordance with such ways of thinking?

In reality, the questions I'm now asking myself are these:

Can we talk about such a thing as a bisexual brain?

A bisexual way of seeing and understanding?

A bisexual way of loving too?

But mostly, a bisexual way ...

... just of being?

I guess it won't be easy - but paranoia as originally diagnosed would have been my destiny again in the future, any other way.  

Now I am beginning to struggle free of that, I can face the challenges change must surely bring.  (Oh, and when I say "struggle free of that", I mean struggle free of an inadequate, incorrect and inaccurate diagnosis - that is to say, of professional inexactitude - not struggle free of what otherwise could fairly be described as medical justice, however roughly experienced.)

So maybe it'll be growth - and all - after all.

Either way, you do gotta try.

Right?